“How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”


Le monday day
Nautical Yellow
All about Giveaways.
Monday Blues~
Ombre Hair
CBOX's captcha error.
Baguio Trip
Airi's Etude House Giveaway
Camille's Photoshoot

Aian Mimiey Zira Fiffy Nova

Sudden anxiety rush
written on Thursday, January 31, 2013 @ 2:30 PM ✨{ }

This college-life anxiety has been bugging me for a while now. I am not enjoying my studies anymore. Tbvh, I  used to be a studious child before- before I realized I made a huge wrong decision with my course again.

Graphics, web designing, manipulating the whole website - the only reasons why I took Information Technology. Now, I'm on my third year and not a single subject has humored me to continue this field. I go to school and most of every time, I don't understand anything at all. I sit there in class wishing that I am in a different class. The class that would enlighten me. The class where I can share what I know I'm good at. The class that even if I'm home, I cannot wait to be in that 'place' again and learn new things.

I'm always thinking, what if I've chosen a different field, will I have a different types of friends? Am I going to enjoy it unlike what's happening to me right now? Am I going to be as studious as I was? Will I love every professors of mine and not hate them every once in a while I'm inside their class? Will I ever feel that enthusiasm of studying again? Is my life not going to be miserable like how it is right now?

I miss everything about studying. I miss giving my best shot because I wanted to have a good, deserving mark. I miss staying up late studying for the upcoming tests. I want to go back being a high school student and remain as a high schooler forever.

If ever I'm given a chance to change my course, I don't know what to pick this time. I like to read. I get all excited visiting bookstores. I used to write lame stories back in my high school. I like tweaking codes too. But damn, my school isn't teaching us about it. Maybe the problem is me. My school is teaching us codes- too bad it isn't HTML or CSS. It's about Java, Oracle and whatever programming languages that are out there. I love solving arithmetic problems too! ^^ I may not be good at it but I love how it keeps my brain going on for the right answer. I like clothes and shoes too!! But I am not that confident with my fashion skills. lol

Hyuuuu~~~ life...

Since I cannot tell my parent about this, I thought of just finishing this course and later will take the field I want to be in. If I'm doing good, I'll try to apply as an exchange student anywhere in the world (preferably in Japan, Korean or London though). Then live for a year independently then be back in the Philippines packed with new knowledge.

It's very difficult not knowing what you want in life. It's like every minute every second are wasted.

I don't know what I want in life, seriously. I just know that this kind of college life I'm having, I hate that it's making me feel miserable about myself. Oh, who's to be blame other than myself? I chose this. I just didn't realize things will be like this. ugh, let me cry a river... no, let me cry an ocean.

Whatever, I need a dose of K-pop to ebb this depression away. Just a few flailing and spazzing then I'll be back to my the normal me. ^^

Sorry for ranting too much.. 

© 2014 Tweaked by Kristen