Follow?

“How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”

@stendesu


Le monday day
Nautical Yellow
All about Giveaways.
Monday Blues~
Ombre Hair
CBOX's captcha error.
Baguio Trip
Airi's Etude House Giveaway
Funshoot
Camille's Photoshoot


Aian Mimiey Zira Fiffy Nova




Sudden anxiety rush
written on Thursday, January 31, 2013 @ 2:30 PM ✨{ }

This college-life anxiety has been bugging me for a while now. I am not enjoying my studies anymore. Tbvh, I  used to be a studious child before- before I realized I made a huge wrong decision with my course again.

Graphics, web designing, manipulating the whole website - the only reasons why I took Information Technology. Now, I'm on my third year and not a single subject has humored me to continue this field. I go to school and most of every time, I don't understand anything at all. I sit there in class wishing that I am in a different class. The class that would enlighten me. The class where I can share what I know I'm good at. The class that even if I'm home, I cannot wait to be in that 'place' again and learn new things.

I'm always thinking, what if I've chosen a different field, will I have a different types of friends? Am I going to enjoy it unlike what's happening to me right now? Am I going to be as studious as I was? Will I love every professors of mine and not hate them every once in a while I'm inside their class? Will I ever feel that enthusiasm of studying again? Is my life not going to be miserable like how it is right now?

I miss everything about studying. I miss giving my best shot because I wanted to have a good, deserving mark. I miss staying up late studying for the upcoming tests. I want to go back being a high school student and remain as a high schooler forever.

If ever I'm given a chance to change my course, I don't know what to pick this time. I like to read. I get all excited visiting bookstores. I used to write lame stories back in my high school. I like tweaking codes too. But damn, my school isn't teaching us about it. Maybe the problem is me. My school is teaching us codes- too bad it isn't HTML or CSS. It's about Java, Oracle and whatever programming languages that are out there. I love solving arithmetic problems too! ^^ I may not be good at it but I love how it keeps my brain going on for the right answer. I like clothes and shoes too!! But I am not that confident with my fashion skills. lol

Hyuuuu~~~ life...

Since I cannot tell my parent about this, I thought of just finishing this course and later will take the field I want to be in. If I'm doing good, I'll try to apply as an exchange student anywhere in the world (preferably in Japan, Korean or London though). Then live for a year independently then be back in the Philippines packed with new knowledge.

It's very difficult not knowing what you want in life. It's like every minute every second are wasted.

I don't know what I want in life, seriously. I just know that this kind of college life I'm having, I hate that it's making me feel miserable about myself. Oh, who's to be blame other than myself? I chose this. I just didn't realize things will be like this. ugh, let me cry a river... no, let me cry an ocean.

Whatever, I need a dose of K-pop to ebb this depression away. Just a few flailing and spazzing then I'll be back to my the normal me. ^^

Sorry for ranting too much.. 


© 2014 Tweaked by Kristen