“How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”


Love Rant: 01
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Broken to the point tears are helplessly dripping....
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Aian Mimiey Zira Fiffy Nova

Heartaches with a little sugar in the end.
written on Thursday, November 29, 2012 @ 9:28 PM ✨{ 6 comments }
Yay! It's officially weekends, for me! c: It's Tuesday but tomorrow's a holiday and I am going to have a 3-day off from school! Yay yay yay!! c:

These past few days, I admit I've been too emotional and was over thinking everything around me. I always felt empty whenever I depart from my friends. I felt so empty, hated and worthless. I don't even know if that's normal without a reason. It is just so freaking annoying because I have to feel that way without knowing what's wrong with me. Maybe there is, but seriously, I don't know what it is.

I've dealt with some issues this week. Friend issues and ugh, liking over someone. Sadly, I think I will never want to be friends again with this certain person anymore. I have heard things he has said about me behind my back. It isn't just right. I know we had issues before but I don't think that's a good reason for him to just talk shit things about me. I have had enough. He has spread things about me that aren't even true.

Now you think, all of these are my fault? Other people's fault? Think again. Pleasing you is too much difficult. To think I have cried a lot of times because it hurts we're fighting. But I have seen your true color. I won't shed even a single tear anymore. Please stop pushing people away because it is the reason why you always feel you're alone. Never gossip untruthful things about others. You are not a girl. So think like a man as you are. You always find things to dislike people yet you can't even see your own faults with your own eyes. Stop starting an argument with someone just because you just feel like doing so. You have hurt me and played with my feelings. Start a fight with me with something I didn't do and out of my responsibility? I do not think I deserve to be treated like that. After learning that you passed the subject, what was all the arguments about now? What was all that "You left me. You left me." phrases of you about now? What was the cold treatment I have gotten from you about now? For fun? Fuq that. You may be smarter than us but intelligence isn't what makes the world go round. It is the connectivity of people. Friendship.
Nuff with the ranting.

You know I have been posting heartaches-related posts these past days. Somehow, I am getting over with it. Not that I do not like him anymore but I think I can handle the pain a little bit better now.

It's Thursday and I have dressed a little different today at school. Wore heels instead of my favorite comfy sneakers. Reason? I just have a class with him today. c': And it went good so far. I didn't expect things would happen, though.

Ever since I have posted those heartbreaking posts, I told myself to stop assuming. I have assumed something will miraculously happen between us and eventually we will be good friends and after will be more than that but now, I don't think of that anymore. I just let everything that is to happen, happen. But I was abashed with my friend's report about 믹켈.

My friend, Kathrina, decided to sit at the back seats of the laboratory because it was so much colder there. I was in the front doing our database hands-on when she called me over. She told me that when she had called me over, she looked at 믹켈 and saw him peeking over the units and was looking at my place. She assumed that he was waiting if I was gonna go over at the back or not. She told me that when I didn't move, he placed his attention back to his hands-on.

Kathrina was still calling me over but I didn't budge. I was so into our seat work. c: Not long after, she gave up and she sat beside me with a funny grin at her face. She told me that maybe, Lovely was telling the truth.

Lovely is a friend of mine who knows about my liking over 믹켈. Before last semester ended, she had told me that whenever she calls me, 믹켈 would just turn his gaze at her. Not once that it happened that day but she told me that a few times, he has looked at her after she calls my name.  And it likely happened today, again. Kathrina told me that 믹켈 always look at her whenever she calls my name. And then I was like, "YADDA YADDA YADDA!!! ;A; I am in the middle of moving on!" I just cannot believe it. It maybe just happened coincidentally but you know that if its the one you like, word coincidence just doesn't seem to exist.

After a couple of persuasion, Kathrina had me to come with her at the back seat. I was just a few feet away from 믹켈. Unfortunately, the units at the back seat are messed up. IP addresses aren't set and sharing just won't work. My good friend Kathrina who supports my unrequited love life, called 믹켈 to help us with our units. My heart leaped a hundred beats when I felt his presence behind me. I was randomly clicking anything at my monitor just so I could be distracted from his closeness but it just didn't work. Its like, I can feel his presence when his closer and I will know when he's walking away. I tried to take a good view of him through my lashes but all I saw was just his shirt. He was standing behind Kathrina, checking Kathrina's unit when our professor announced an unexpected lunch break because the photocopies aren't done yet.

We went out of the laboratory and Kathrina has 'good' news again. She told me that when she looked at 믹켈, she saw him staring at my monitor.

Goodness!!! Why was he staring at my monitor? Has he seen my crazy random clicking? Aigoo aigoo. So now, Kathrina has a lot more of good reasons to support my love life. She's very willing to do anything just so 믹켈 and I would start to be friends. My one and only oppa, James, is also delighted with the thought.

And me? I am seriously panicking inside. I do not want 믹켈 to know about my feelings. Well, maybe I want him to but not just in that way.  I hope for  him to notice me because he sees me differently. Not because he knows I like him. Because we might not know, but taking someone for granted is kind of mainstream now. I don't want us to have verbal communication, YET. This kind of simple actions are more than enough.♥

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