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Weekly Rants
written on Saturday, September 8, 2012 @ 9:30 PM ✨{ 5 comments }

I don't know if I really should be doing this. I did have second thoughts and to be honest was still having second thoughts right now. I'm kinda scared that this rant would gain me hate. But on another note, I just want to freely express myself.

I don't really know why I titled this as weekly rants. Well, I think its because throughout the week, I've noticed weird things happening lately.

Do you know your friends well? Do you know what kind of classmates and schoolmates you have? Do they tell you some things about other people? Like, they'd be talking to some person and after a while when they're gone, they'd be telling you about not-really-good things about this person. Do you guys even get what I mean? Sorry, I could hardly express myself in a not-so-offending way.

I love my friends. I like those people who talk to me nicely and it's like they wanna hang out with me. But there really are some instances where they tell me things about other people like what they dislike about them and or what they most like abut them. (But mostly the negative one.) I don't know what is this thing called. Like, there was my friend, telling me some kinda harsh things about this person while he/she talks to them.

At school, there is no one that I hate or I'm pissed off whenever I see their faces. But there is this girl I don't talk to that much. I don't hate her. I don't like her too though; because I do not know her so I don't know what to like about her. And there's this friend of mine, telling me negative things about her like we look like we're making fun of this person. I know, I've been so mean and cruel and awful and bad for doing it and agreeing to what my friend was saying. I like my friend because she actually makes me smile and happy. She's one of the people who helped me got out of my shell and feel a bit confident about myself. She never left me. But it feels wrong when we talk about other people behind their backs. I just wouldn't tell that it is solely my friend's idea or fault because on another note, I was agreeing with what she was saying.

I have overheard a lot conversations where one bashes the other one. It's making me get scared. Are people talking behind my back too? Are those who I considered "friends" telling things about me to others? I don't know what to do anymore. It's like the world is totally messed up and like nothing and no one could be trusted anymore. My friend bashing my friend. Ugh, I don't know anymore. People are scary, indeed. I feel sorry for the one being bashed, I feel sorry for the one bashing, and I feel sorry about myself because I am letting this all happened!

I know this post is getting pointless. I do not want to hurt anyone. That would be the last thing I want to do in my life. But I felt the need to let these things out. It's like you're sitting around people who you knew have said things about people's back and it's awkward that the people they've talked about is around too.

I can't help but ask myself, "Is this friend of mine tells bad things about me? How does he/she see me? Should I be scared of this person? Should I let my guard and wall up whenever I'm with this person?" My conclusion about all of these is that, some people are trying to lift themselves up by ruining others with their mouth. I do not know anymore.

I am really scared of being vulnerable to someone. I am scared of telling them my thoughts. I am afraid they'd use everything I have shared with them against me. I am scared that I might actually hanging out with the people who'd just say things about me in the future. I am not telling that they really are telling things about me but I am thinking ahead. As much as possible, before a thing would happen, I am already thinking of how to handle it. I seriously love my friends. But this matter is keeping my guards up. I couldn't let my guards down not when this matter is over. Not when I could finally fully trust the people around me.

What would you just feel if the person whom you've trusted would just talk behind your back? Isn't it sad? What if the one you've bumped into the street was the one has been told harsh things about you? Like you were thrilled to see them but they just see you the opposite. I don't want to hurt people as much as I don't want to get hurt.

I don't know if you guys would find this as hypocrisy. I am not being a hypocrite. I don't intend to tell bad things about others. Sorry in advance. I am just bluntly expressing myself. I don't know what to do anymore. How could I avoid things like these? Why are behaviors like this even exist?

On another note, it's weekend and I watched movie with my sis at home. We watched Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray's A Cinderella Story.

It's my first time checking this movie out and seriously, as expected, I loved it because it's Hilary Duff's! Not to mention the guy is pretty cute and that he just portrayed the kind of guy I'd probably fall for.

I like the story plot. I love how Hilary was the main cast.  She tops my fave Hollywood actresses list before Lindsay Lohan. Although I barely know about her because I don't likely stalk girl celebrities. LOL

I love how Chad Michael Murray looks at Hilary in the movie. If I'd get to have a guy that would look at me the way Chad looked at Hilary in the movie, I couldn't ask for more. I'd be the happiest girl ever! LOL.

Tonight, I have just finished my fave fan-fiction writer Hagocimit's The Black Phoenix. It was one of the most epic fan fictions that I have ever read in my entire 17 years in this world! The fact that is actually a fanfiction and that it uses celebrities and other people to be as a character didn't really change the fact that the story plot was beyond epic. Hagocimit was gifted. She creates the most wonderful, amazing, breathtaking, and beyond-words-to-describe fan fictions ever. Not to mention she used Daragon as the casts of her fan fictions. They're my fave couple! Well, she uses em every time which I am grateful. I just finished off the few chapters that were left. I love how the story made me sob. I love it when I cry and sob over a story; I feel like I am part of the story which was a great feeling. I didn't like how the story ended though. The second to the last chapter said that the guy (which was G-dragon) died and at the epilogue, he was actually alive. -3- Seriously, I could have loved it more when he really died. LOL I love tragic endings because it makes me weep. lolol Oh well, if you guys are interested to read the story, I'd be happy to give you the link! And oh by the way, The Black Phoenix is the sequel of Hagocimit's The Shadows. I sobbed more over the first story. See? The story is really good that it even made me read the story up to its sequel as well! I highly recommend this one! SERIOUSLY!! kkeut.


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