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Stupid Feelings
written on Saturday, August 25, 2012 @ 12:30 AM ✨{ 0 comments }
That moment where you had a good day but at the end of the day, a simple message from him could make it the other way round. You'll be sad, feeling like to cry. This guy never cared about me and we always talk about the girls he like. But it's cool for me because we're friends. But I have this weird feeling that he doesn't see me as a friend; that I am just a nobody. I'm hurt whenever he is. It's like I'm also affected to what's happening to him. He doesn't care even a bit about me but he's important to me. I care about him too much that it hurts.

Yesterday, our conversation didn't go too well. We kinda fight. He told me he hate girls but I told him that he doesn't hate all of girls and he was like, he really does hate girls because even I fucked him up. He told me that just right after helping him cope up with his sadness. He has been very sad lately because of his girlfriend. It is like whatever I do, I won't look good to this guy, ever. I don't even like him that much. I just see him as a friend honestly but getting hurt beyond how I should just be is different that I can't explain it. Seriously, I'm longing for this guy to appreciate me. At least once, he gets to see  me as someone helpful to him; someone as a good friend. I want him to tell me: "Thank you for being there for me."

It's like those words would cost a million before it comes out from him.  And today, after not replying my message last night, he prompted me that he misses his ex. He's talking to me like nothing happened. So insensitive. Ugh, It's hard being his friend but I'm not quitting because friends don't quit on each other. I just have to endure this I guess. It won't hurt to cry. But it hurts... It hurts that you're nothing to someone you cherish ever since.

Right now, I'm listening to Ivy's Torn Heart. It is a Korean song. The lyrics goes like this in English:

It hurts, it really hurts
As I grasp my torn heart
I live like this once again
You don't know this pain
You're bad, you're so bad
You stand there, blocking this torn heart of mine

I don't know. Talking to him hurts. The way he tries to make it appear like nothing's wrong, it hurts.

Do I really just see this guy as a friend?

© 2014 Tweaked by Kristen